


Voiceless

by Darkhymns



Series: A Different Chosen [2]
Category: Tales of Symphonia
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Romantic Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:41:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21953107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darkhymns/pseuds/Darkhymns
Summary: The Chosen's journey continues on, but Colette is still determined to save Lloyd from his fate.It's getting much harder to find a solution.
Relationships: Colette Brunel/Lloyd Irving
Series: A Different Chosen [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1580542
Comments: 15
Kudos: 20





	1. Colette

**Author's Note:**

> A gift fic I wanted to write for [Frayed-Symphony](http://frayed-symphony.tumblr.com/) who's been an amazing friend to me! So I thought it would be fun to continue on the Chosen Lloyd concept I had also written last year. All of this is based on her [art](https://frayed-symphony.tumblr.com/post/184341267983/lloydart-just-wanted-to-get-all-my-art-for) of the concept! 
> 
> There are more chapters so the rest will come shortly but I wanted to have something ready for Christmas! Thanks so much for another great year and can't wait for 2020!

At Hima, Colette noticed that the night was quieter than others before it. The reason for it hung in the air, cold and heavy. It stayed ever present, just like the long, heavenly structure that divided the night sky. Clouds floated around it like shrouds, floated around _them_ as well. For this was one of the highest points in the world, lifting them away from everything below.

Even so, it wasn’t long before she heard someone travel up the path to the cliff.

“It’s getting late now,” Professor Sage had called out. Colette turned, seeing the warmth of the inn’s fireplace flush her teacher’s cheeks. The moon shone brighter at this mountain village, making ripples across the Professor’s silver hair. A noticeable pause, then that tone that would always usher children back into the classroom. “It would be good to rest up for the night. We have a long day tomorrow."

Colette, obedient to fault, started to nod, soon getting up from her comfortable seat on the ground. “If that’s…”

But she was stopped when she heard Lloyd shift to her side. She remembered. “Ah! Sorry, sorry,” she said, sitting back down and shuffling a bit near him, offering her hand. “Go ahead.”

She didn’t have to imagine Raine’s frown. Her tone said it all. “You two now…”

But Lloyd, his coat a bright white that painted itself against the night’s shadows, only smiled at her like he always did. He took her hand in both of his own, already tracing a familiar word against her palm.

_‘Dork.’_

Colette pouted. “Heey…”

But his words continued, tracing more against her palm. Lloyd told her, ‘ _I wanna stay here.’_

At least…she thought that was what he told her? She could easily read the dork comment, for he traced that word all the time! But when it came to more complicated sentences, she didn’t always understand Lloyd’s broad, sometimes too rapid strokes. But she was learning, she must have been learning if she could translate his motions from before. If she could sometimes think she heard him even.

She needed to, ever since Lloyd lost his voice.

“Um, Professor? Would it be okay if I stayed up with Lloyd?” She turned to her teacher, knowing her tone was pleading. “Just for a little while?”

Raine didn’t look too pleased. Maybe she was already suspecting, yet it had been too difficult to keep away from Lloyd’s side for the past few months. Always a soft hush to walk further off to the glade, or taking a corner for themselves when settling down for rest at their camps. Colette couldn’t stay away, not ever since she knew – and not even before it, too.

Raine knew this, and perhaps that was why she conceded so easily.

“Not too late,” she simply said, walking back down the path. The wind was blowing harshly at her robes, but she went on ahead, only looking back at her two pupils with concern. “Just remember, Colette. A protector needs her rest still.”

Colette bit her lip, then nodded. “Yeah… of course.”

All throughout, she felt Lloyd’s hand on hers, the way he tightened their grip, just a bit.

* * *

.

.

.

It was a surprise to most that the ones who would save the world consisted of a group of children and their schoolteacher.

No one they had met expected the Chosen’s group to be such as that – but Colette could see how some seemed comforted however at Lloyd, despite his young age. For, after all, he carried his weapons openly, and many were impressed that he could use two swords even! A few adults had marveled at it, and even the local children had asked Lloyd to showcase his swordsmanship. Of course, he didn’t waste any opportunities to show off what he knew!

“I call this one Double Demon Fang!” Lloyd said with excitement to the kids gathered around their savior, some even curiously pulling at the long white strips from his collar, which he didn’t seem to mind. They were at the port city of Palmacosta, the waves continually crashing against the quay, the breeze from the sea continually ruffling Lloyd’s hair.

Much of the plaza was clear by sunset, and Colette had wanted to join Lloyd along for the performance he was giving. She stood to the side, one hand always absently going to her necklace. She only wanted to make sure it would still be there, that was all.

“That’s so cool!” shouted one small boy, looking up at Lloyd with wide eyes as he performed the technique on a wooden dummy meant for the soldiers’ training. “Can only the Chosen do that?”

Lloyd sheathed both swords, but not before doing a cool flourish with them, which included flipping them both into the air before catching them just in time. Colette had given a little gasp at the spectacle, along with the kids – even though she had seen Lloyd do it plenty of times herself after they battled with monsters.

“Nah, you don’t need to be a Chosen,” Lloyd explained. “You just need two swords! But it has to be two!” A pause. “Well, I guess you can do it with just one… but it wouldn’t be nearly as powerful for sure!”

“Yeah! Lloyd does it all the time,” Colette piped in, then pressed a hand against her mouth. “Uh, whoops! I meant the Chosen does it all the time. Sorry.”

“Colette, it’s fine…”

Still, even as Lloyd showed off his prowess, the sun setting below the ocean’s horizon, painting orange against the cobblestoned streets, there were those that questioned.

“Does the Chosen not have need a bodyguard?” one man had asked, coming up to both Lloyd and Colette after the children had dispersed to their homes. He had the looks of a merchant, carrying a crate full of fruit on his way home.

“Huh? I have one though,” Lloyd said, confused. With both hands on his hips, he stood up straight, his next words holding a proud tone in them. “Colette has been my protector on this journey!”

“I’m sorry, who?”

“Her! She’s right there!” Lloyd then proceeded to wave at Colette who had kindly tried not to interrupt their conversation. “Hey! Colette!”

Colette nearly stumbled at the mention of her name. “U-uh?” She had been so caught up playing with the necklace in her hands – the perfect circle it had been shaped into, the glow of the red jewel in the center, the engravings around its edge – that hearing Lloyd call out to her so suddenly had nearly made her jump. “What is it, Lloyd?”

“This guy really wants to meet you!” Lloyd was shouting ecstatically. The man next to him merely blinked at Colette, shifting the crate more comfortably in his arms. “He wanted to meet my bodyguard!”

“Oh! Right, sorry! That’s me!” She gave a wave to the man (he seemed so confused. Maybe he was lost?), until she realzied it was probably rude to just wave and started walking up to them. On the way, she then decided to brush down her dress - the same dress she would usually wear to the schoolhouse back in Iselia (she had never been sure what to change it to). It was all dusty from their traveling. “Hi! My name’s Colette, and I’m his-”

Then the tip of her boot hit against the edge of a slightly upturned cobblestone. She was already flying straight for the man and his box of fruit, even as Lloyd tried to reach out to save her.

Strange that someone needed to save their protector, she thought before she collided into her fate.

* * *

Afterwards, her dress had a fair share more than just dirt on the fabric.

“I messed up, Lloyd… Sorry…”

“It’s fine. I mean, I don’t think you made him drop all of the fruit!” Lloyd tried to smile helpfully, still occasionally brushing off a piece of sticky fruit from her shoulder. (One time he had pulled off the half-smashed remains of a tomato and immediately flung it over the dock walls and into the sea). “You just kinda ran a bit fast…”

“I know,” she said. “I didn’t seem very impressive…” She thought again to Lloyd performing his techniques in front of the children, looking more excited than he had been in weeks. She looked back down at herself, her dress so plain and her own weapons hidden from other eyes. “But… I’ll keep trying though. I’ll train harder so I can be worthy of protecting you!”

She realized that they had somehow gone past the inn and ended up near the docks, the sea breeze a little stronger here, enough so that she could taste the salt in the air. Lloyd had directed his gaze up to the sky that had finally grown dark, the stars coming out in all their familiar patterns.

“Hey, Colette…” he started to ask, still looking up. “Does the wind feel nice?”

She almost started to question him at first, but she was beginning to learn fast now. She saw the wind once again ruffle his hair, shifting away the collar of his white jacket. If she looked hard enough, she could catch the gleam of his Cruxis Crystal, the red surface of it nearly matching her pendant. He always tried his very best to hide it, buttoning it up until nothing could be seen. But his swordplay in the plaza must have loosened the buttons.

Colette turned back to the sea, the brine so strong on her tongue, the wind rushing against her neck. “Yeah, it does.” Her finger absently twirled the golden chain, watching the pendant bounce from the motions. Through all these months, through all the fighting and the traveling, the chain had not broken once. “It’s really strong too…Not like at the wind seal. It’s not strong enough to knock me over… Well, maybe, hehe.”

Lloyd didn’t turn to her, but she heard him give a soft chuckle, one that made her feel warm, despite the wind.

“Did dinner earlier taste okay?”

Though she knew that Lloyd wanted honesty, she still felt bad about what she would say next. “Um…it was unique!” she finally settled on, unable to resist a frown from forming. “Since Professor Sage insisted on cooking.”

Another chuckle. “I felt really bad for you and Genis. That stuff looked… brutal.” It was then he wrenched his gaze from the sky to gaze down at her. He smiled, but she could see the sadness in it, despite how harsh the wind blew.

Lloyd could still not feel or taste. And she knew that later tonight, he would not even be able to sleep. But maybe hearing the waves from his window at the inn, and seeing the stars shine over the ocean’s surface, would be comforting?

She shyly reached for his hand, twining their fingers together, gripping hard as if hoping her mere desperation would be enough. That maybe something would reach him through what the trials had done to him, from those that had granted him wings that blended with the morning skies while robbing him of dreams and sensations.

She held him so hard, that her own hand started to ache.

“Colette?” He noted her silence, the strange look in her eyes. She felt his own hand hold her back – had he felt it? Or had it just been because he saw her reach out for him?

“I’m sorry… I also promised… that we would find a way that you wouldn’t…” She trailed to a stop, worried that she was ruining things again for Lloyd. What protector was she? To let this keep happening to Lloyd? To keep going towards something terrible? “Maybe at Lake Umacy with that unicorn… or maybe that kind assassin might know something…”

She heard Lloyd sigh. “You mean that girl that was trying to kill me?”

“I don’t think she was!” she argued back. “She had such kind eyes. Didn’t you notice?”

“Not really. She was too far off while you were busy fighting her, remember?” He grinned. “See? You’re already pretty good at protecting me! Even from assassins who you want to be friends with for some reason.”

“Well, you’re the one that saw her play with those kids in Luin! So you know she must be nice!”

“Heh, yeah, I guess you’re right.” His own voice trailed away, stolen from the sea breeze. Again, she caught the gleam of his Crystal before she realized he had moved in closer.

“Can you tell me how this feels?” he asked, softer, lighter before he bent down to kiss her.

Again, she wished she had the courage months back to give him this, before the power of the angels numbed his lips. But she was selfish still, pressing against him, tasting the salt on his own tongue. If he could not taste it, she would do it for him.

Even after they separated, both stayed close, his breath rushing against her mouth. A moment passed before she remembered what he had asked.

“That felt warm,” she said, letting one hand lay against his chest, tracing the church symbol that lined its surface. Dirk had gotten it down exactly, denoting whoever wore this to be the savior of Sylvarant. “And really soft… really nice…”

His laugh was so low, she thought she could feel it echo within her limbs. “You’re making it sound like I know what I’m doing.”

Colette smiled back, looking up at him, at how the stars framed around his features. “Maybe it just means you’re getting better!”

More laughter from them both, hands still clasped, the wind still rushing through. It was something that she had only dreamed about before – even as the unease from everything else still seeped through.

It had been months of traveling, ever since Colette had left her town of Iselia to follow her best friend. Months of watching him take a pain that only he was allowed to shoulder, watching him refuse everything on his plate, watching him sit much too near a campfire that Colette had to warn him to sit further back. But even with the months, everything was passing much too quickly, and still they had not found an answer.

They had not found a way for Lloyd to live at the end of his journey while still saving Sylvarant.

The feel of him near, his warmth combined with the chill of the wind, his taste combined with the salt from the sea – at least she could experience this for him. _But one day, you can feel this too,_ she promised. _I’ll find a way that you can be human again, Lloyd. And then we can go back home to Iselia together._

For if she didn’t promise that, then what kind of protector would she be?

* * *

Yet even then, with all of her promises, all of her resolve to train harder, to better watch out for Lloyd as enemies struck against them, to always lend a hand when she saw him summon his wings, their span as wide as the grief in her heart when she saw the discomfort it caused him – it had only happened again.

At the Tower of Mana, Lloyd then lost his voice.

The stairs had been much too numerous to climb, already making both their legs and their spirits tire, but for a while, it had only been the two of them, rushing forward while everyone held the doors opens with ancient mechanisms. Exploring the tower with its strange mirrors, its bridges of light, its books that Lloyd said made his head hurt from even trying to read them. For a while, it just seemed like a small adventure for them, all until they joined with the rest and finally made it to the very top for the fourth seal.

And then Lloyd had fell, and Colette clung to him, closely, closely, never wanting to let go. He had looked at her as the others gathered around in worry, but she had already known when he had fallen and not even a groan left his throat.

Lloyd had not taken this next loss of himself very well.

It was hazy; the rush to make camp for the night, Lloyd finally leaving her arms, hand continually going to his throat, only to flinch when his fingers brushed against the Crystal. “Do you want to go on a walk?” she had asked him later on, seeing him well enough to stand, but he had only shaken his head, mouth open to say something – then realizing he could not. He would then turn away.

Sheena had finally joined their group by then. Colette felt her eyes watching as Lloyd further went to a side of the camp, eyes fixed ahead. “This is what a Chosen has to go through?” she had said, and Colette thought she saw something fleeting in her eyes, but it scurried away like a frightened animal before she could question it. “How does this world have so much suffering? There has to be some way to stop it besides…this.”

And Colette could hear the tone that Sheena uttered, a resolve that made Colette question so much of herself.

What kind of protector could she be to Lloyd if she couldn’t have such resolve herself?

She put away her weapons by the packs, the chakrams glinting burnished gold from the campfire’s light, and once again tried to be at Lloyd’s side. He had not been as feverish feeling as with the other seals, but his skin was still pale from the shock of it all. She saw how occasionally his hand would reach up to his throat, only to flinch when his fingers would brush against the crystal.

Her foot stepped over the grass, finding twigs in their wake. Lloyd turned, the white strips hanging from his collar whipping around him.

“Ah, s-sorry, I know you wanted to be alone, just…” She fiddled with her thumbs before finally stepping towards him more, her voice drying up at her nervousness. But, how thoughtless it was to think that with what Lloyd had just been through… “I just…um…”

She felt a pat on her shoulder, Lloyd somehow able to smile at her, despite everything. He opened his mouth and she could somehow already tell what he meant to say. ‘ _I’m fine now. Don’t worry about it!’_ Apparently, Lloyd thought he had been about to say the same thing – but nothing would come out, even as he tried to clear his throat, as if he had just swallowed something and it was stuck.

“Oh, does it hurt though?” she asked, remembering. “With how it…”

Lloyd could answer easier this way. He just shook his head, but then gave a small shrug, his smile now a bit more strained, a bit more tired.

_‘It doesn’t hurt, but, nothing hurts now.’_

Again, nothing she could hear, yet she felt those words echo inside her. She must have really wanted to hear him.

“Maybe…we can find a way around this,” she said offhandedly. “Just for a little while. You can still talk to us. Is that… why you’re over here?”

Lloyd looked to the side, and then shrugged again. She recognized this side of him - a side of him when he wasn’t as happy as he was that day at Palmacosta. There were times, even back at Iselia, when Lloyd would be so somber and barely utter much words at all. And now, as he was losing pieces of humanity, Colette couldn’t blame him for his retreat.

Still, she reached for his hand, urging him to look at her again. “Lloyd, I have an idea. Do you wanna listen?”

Lloyd blinked, but he looked at her, his curiosity obvious, so much so that she could hear the words, ‘ _What is it?’_ from him.

She grinned, feeling a bit proud of herself for coming up with this idea. “Let’s ask Genis! He’ll know what to do!”

* * *

“Guys,” said the young elf, seated on a log as once again Raine insisted on cooking (but this time Sheena trying to buffer her efforts by intervening with her own suggestions). “I’m not sure why you came to me for this. I literally don’t know what to do.”

“Oh no…” Colette said with a sad air, then sighed. “I’m sorry again, Lloyd. I messed up.”

Lloyd waved away her apologies, but kept his gaze to Genis, frowning slightly.

“What?”

With a roll of his eyes, Lloyd tapped against the side of his head, then pointed towards Genis, still with a frown.

“Agh, are you trying to say I’m _not_ smart? Even the smartest people would have trouble with this!”

“Maybe if we all put our heads together, we can figure out how best Lloyd can talk to us!” Colette had to find that resolve again, and she would make sure that Lloyd could still find some happiness, no matter how grim the situation. “Oh! Lloyd, maybe you could write to us!”

Lloyd blinked, which just prompted Colette to excitedly explain.

“You know! It can be like the notes we’d pass each other in class!” she said, clapping her hands. “And we could draw each other little doggies as we write notes…”

“Why would you need to write stuff down, Colette?” interrupted Genis. “ _You_ can still talk.”

“Huh? Oh… right, sorry. I forgot!”

Lloyd sighed again. It was the most he could do with the lack of a voice. He shook his head, then tried to use his hands mimic writing something in his palm that must have represented paper…

“Oh, you’re right, Lloyd. We don’t have much paper on hand…” Colette said. With his nod, she knew she had gotten his meaning right. “Maybe if we asked the Professor? She must have plenty of paper!”

Lloyd emphatically shook his head.

“Huh? Why not?”

“It’s because he doesn’t want to give Raine the idea of giving us more homework if we asked her,” Genis offered as explanation.

“Ohh…”

“Anyway, we’re going about this all wrong. I’ll show you how much of a genius I am then, Lloyd.” At this, Genis grinned, crossing his arms proudly. “Heh, you could do something easy like charades for us! You’re good at moving around for that kind of stuff!”

Lloyd frowned at the smug-looking Genis, but Colette gasped in delight. “Oh, I love charades! Every time we talk, we can make a game out of it!”

“I bet I can guess more of his words than you can!” Genis dared, and Colette fiercely rose up to that challenge. She faced her friend, fists clenched in determination.

“No way! I can guess the most!”

Meanwhile, Lloyd stood before them and waved his arms. Though he couldn’t say anything, his expression was plain in his question, ‘ _Do I really get no say in this?’_

Colette turned to him, hearing him (maybe?) but excited that perhaps they had found some way out of this dark cloud. At least for a little while. “Why don’t we try it? Yeah?”

Lloyd may have been voiceless, but she saw the interest in his expression, saw his frown slowly shift into a smile as Colette’s enthusiasm spread to him. ‘ _I guess I do like charades…’_

“Let’s start with something easy. Like…what you want for dinner!” At that Genis winced, remembering. “Ah…right, I meant…”

Lloyd shook his head, then gave a thumbs up. ‘ _It’s okay!’_ Looked like Lloyd did want to try this out!

Soon enough, all three got prepared. Genis straightened up in his seat, while Colette sat next to him, both facing their Chosen friend who was busy thinking up a word, his shoe tapping against the ground. Then it was clear when he had an idea.

With a grin, he held up one finger, then two, then three. Three words total. Colette clenched her fists, concentrating as hard as she could. She would win this!

Lloyd then held up one finger, then tapped his forearm once. Genis automatically noted aloud what that meant. “First word, two syllables.”

“Um…puppy! Is that right?”

Lloyd paused. Genis turned to Colette. “But…we’re talking about what he wants for dinner?”

“Oh, whoops.”

Shaking his head, Lloyd then repeated the motion. One finger up, followed by two short taps on his arm.

“It’s some kind of food… I bet something with protein, I’m sure.” Lloyd grinned and nodded, while Genis laughed. “So, like...chicken?”

Lloyd shook his head.

“Bacon!”

An interested smile, but still a firm headshake.

“Sausage?”

“Why are you guys just shouting food names over there?” Sheena yelled towards them. “Not like Raine here is making anything that sounds edible – OW!”

“Oh, my staff must have slipped out of my hand. My apologies.”

Despite the interruption, the kids kept at their game. Genis thought up hard for another food item “Tofu?”

Lloyd didn’t even shake his head this time. He just made a disgusted expression, tongue out, and visibly winced.

“Hey, that has protein too!”

“Um, cookies?” Colette piped in. “Pastries? Apples? Fruit tart? Oh no, wait, that’s two words…”

“Colette, you’re just naming off desserts!”

Lloyd shook his head even more – which he’d been doing a lot of lately! It was even enough to mess up his hair a little.

“Ugh, we’re trying, Lloyd!” Genis crossed his arms, thinking hard. “First word… two syllables… turkey? Is it a rabbit you want?”

Colette looked at Lloyd with wide eyes. “Why would you want to eat a cute bunny rabbit, Lloyd?”

With a jump, Lloyd still shook his head. Nothing was right!

“Gah, all I know is that you like your beef so much…” Lloyd’s eyes lit up then, looking at Genis with hope. “Wait… is it beef? But that’s just…”

But Lloyd gestured for Genis to continue, patting his arm again twice, with more emphasis on the second tap. “So I got the second syllable… wait, is it _roast beef?_ ”

Lloyd grinned, giving Genis a thumbs up. He did it! Colette made sure to give Genis some congratulatory applause – even if she had just lost. But she was happy for her friend. “Way to go, Genis!”

“Wait, but that’s two words, not one! Lloyd, did you have us play charades when you didn’t even get the number of words right?”

Lloyd blinked, looking at the hand placed on his arm from his fervent tapping.

“We spent ten minutes trying to solve that!” Genis growled out.

“Oh?” Colette blinked. “What’s the second word then? And isn’t there supposed to be three in total?”

At that, Lloyd looked a little blank. A hand reached to scratch the back of his head as he smiled shamefacedly.

Genis groaned. “He forgot the rest of what he was going to say.”

* * *

Afterwards, Colette could only blame herself. The night was getting colder and darker, and everyone was already preparing themselves for bed.

Everyone except Lloyd, who sat on the grass, looking up towards the sky.

It felt so natural to go up to him, to take a seat beside him, even as he made no motion, no indication at all for her to sit. But she felt his eyes flicker towards her, his left hand placed between them both on the ground.

“Maybe…we can try hand signals?” Colette spoke the first idea that came to mind, looking at the grass. “It might be easier than charades.”

Lloyd tilted his head, with a look that told her, ‘ _I’m not sure about that.’_

Something about that look made her smile a little and, instinctively, reach for that hand with both of hers. “We can just make up our own! Like…” She curled his hand into a fist. “That can mean when something we fight is gonna be real tough! As tough as a rock!”

Though Lloyd shook his head, she saw the hint of a smile. It made her confident, made the excitement fill her blood. She kept going.

“And, you can use this signal!” she said as she formed Lloyd’s hand to hold up two fingers. “For when you’re going to fight. It’ll look just like your swords!”

Lloyd was grinning wider, turning more to her as he let her play with his hand like her own little world. He made no hesitance as she manipulated his fingers into what she wanted.

“And maybe… can do this?” She flattened out his hand, palm upward. “When you want to stop, or rest. Yeah!” She raised her head. “See? We can already say three things!”

Though Lloyd still smiled, she saw a curious expression in his eyes. That was when his other hand reached over, taking her own in his. The touch tickled against her palm, made her head brim with a heat that she didn’t want to ever get over.

What he wrote on her hand, it made her giggle even more.

“Lloyd!” she said, happy to find a way through this, happy that she could do this while feeling his touch. “I guess you’re right…” she said, interpreting his strokes. “It really was just rock paper scissors, hehe.”

Lloyd’s smile was the best thing she had ever known, and it didn’t seem to fade this time with the night. Fingers traced over her palm again, their meaning clear – so clear she could have sworn she heard it whispered in her ear.

_‘You were right the first time. Writing is the way to go.’_

* * *

.

.

.

At Hima, the world felt so much larger than before. When all she had ever known was Iselia, she felt her eyes open more and more with each step on this journey. Would Lloyd understand that feeling too?

The night was quiet once it was just them again after Professor Sage left. Colette’s gaze was fixed up towards the sky. “Hm…are you still trying to count them all?” she asked as she turned back to Lloyd. He was still holding her hand, fingers laying against her palm.

His eyes were also fixed towards the sky before he turned to her, then to her hand. The same soft tracing that tickled her a little bit, making her giggle. ‘ _I think that’s impossible… there’s too many!’_

“Hm, but what if it was both of us? I counted the stars too for the past few nights. We can just combine what we found!”

A grin and a shaking of his shoulders. She barely had to imagine his soft laughter then. ‘ _That sounds smart! Okay, what you got?’_

Colette, happy to help, looked back up at the sky to quickly calculate where she had left off the other night. “From that star that looks like a cute doggy’s nose, I went all the way to the Tower.” A short pause, a brief reminder of what would happen, but she pushed through. “So about…367!” She had gotten very sleepy on a few instances of her night counting, but she was sure this was the right number.

_‘Every star looks like a doggy to you…’_

“Not true! It’s a nose so it’s different!”

Still, Lloyd kept grinning. He also raised his head to the sky, Colette watching the way his eyes gently flicked around the length of the expanse. Then another quick tracing – she was getting better at reading him. ‘ _I got 640. From the doggy nose star to the ocean.’_

“So many!” Colette marveled. It was a marvel because she knew how much Lloyd didn’t really like math… and yet he had counted so high. “But which way’s the ocean again? We left Palmacosta a while ago.”

Lloyd blinked. It wasn’t just his writing that she could understand better, it was his body language too. Like the way he shook a little sometimes with a smile, letting her know it was with silent laughter, or the way he would stay still when he was thinking very hard on something. He was thinking hard now, eyes slowly going around them before turning to her. He grinned. She knew what that grin was, smaller than the usual, but not sad, just embarrassed.

 _‘I can’t remember now… Whoops,’_ he wrote down, but Colette was already giggling away before he even finished.

“Lloyd! What if you’ve been recounting the same stars again?”

_‘It’s not my fault! They all look the same!’_

“But not the doggy nose star,” she stated proudly.

 _‘You’re right. Not that,’_ Lloyd readily agreed, his smile making her feel so content.

Even though he couldn’t laugh with her, she would laugh as much as she could for them both. But eventually, even her laughter faded away with the wind, which only blew stronger the later it got. She shivered, watching the way Lloyd’s hair ruffled with it, pulling at his clothes. The gleam of the Cruxis Crystal twinkled lightly before disappearing again within his collar.

She was careful not to say something thoughtless about the weather, knowing what Lloyd could not feel. Yet in her hand, he asked what she had thought to ask. ‘ _It’s cold, isn’t it? Did you wanna go inside?’_

Colette shook her head. “No, I’m okay. I want… to stay with you.” And something there, in the way she had said it, so thoughtlessly. She had tried so hard to not. But it came and then a wave of emotions flooded her throat. “I want to stay with…”

She tugged at his hands with both of her own, looking at them, at the way their fingers curled around each other so naturally like ivy. “Lloyd…I’m sorry. I’m sorry I haven’t done enough for you.”

His hands remained motionless within hers. But if he still had his voice, she knew he’d remain silent. She was only ruining things now, but she couldn’t help the hot tears that started to overflow. Her hands continued to clutch his, shaking.

“But I – I won’t let it happen.” Her voice cracked, and air was hard to come by, even during the rough cold winds, but she kept going. “I won’t let you die.”

Lloyd’s hands flinched. Despite knowing, despite understanding, neither had ever said it out loud. It was the voiceless threat, always lying in wait. But now that Colette said it, the truth of Lloyd’s fate fully dawned on her. More tears fell. She would cry enough tears for them both.

She worried Lloyd would pull away, but he only clung back to her, tighter. ‘ _Colette.’_ He didn’t write it down for her. But she still knew.

“I promised you that I would help you find another way. And…and I will!” She finally had the strength to raise her head, to look at Lloyd. But his own eyes stayed locked onto their hands. “We don’t… we don’t have to go to there tomorrow.”

Something thoughtless said, but it left her, and it emboldened her suddenly. “We don’t have to go to the Tower,” she said again, to make it true.

Lloyd finally looked at her, confusion plain in his eyes. Again, his hands stayed still, but she couldn’t bear to let the silence continue.

“We can tell the others maybe… and, just say we need more time. Sheena talked about another world. Maybe someone there could help us? Or we can keep figuring things out ourselves! We… we don’t have to go yet.” Colette still felt the tears fall, bowing her head again but still trying to stay strong. A protector needed to stay strong. “I don’t want you to go.”

_‘I don’t want to go either.’_

She blinked, the warmth of his finger leaving an imprint in her palm. With Colette still in her stunned state, Lloyd once again wrote in her hand. ‘ _We won’t go tomorrow then.’_

“You…you mean it?” Colette asked. She had expected Lloyd to argue, to say it was useless, or maybe say nothing. But his words reverberated in her head, despite never hearing them aloud. “Lloyd…I, I promise I won’t let you down this time! We can- we can find a way to save everyone!” The happiness she felt, and Lloyd’s hands keeping her steady, she suddenly felt so much hope. If Lloyd believed in her…

Then Lloyd motioned for her to get up, still holding to her tight. Colette tilted her head in confusion. “Huh?”

 _‘Come on, I wanna show you something,’_ Lloyd said. Well, wrote. Except he didn’t write anything. She was only imagining it again, because for most of her life, she had always heard Lloyd, always heard this boy that lived in the Church that she could see in the distance, even from her home. And she had always felt sad that Lloyd didn’t seem to have a home in the village, a home where he could play and make those fun crafts he did or draw pictures of animals that she’d want to keep.

But his smile was invigorating, and soon Colette was following him, nearly tripping as she did so. But he caught her, and that was when she saw the wings sprout from his back, the mana from them capturing the stars in their shape.

“You…want to fly?” she asked. Because, ever since that night Lloyd had gotten his wings, he had rarely used them. Not during battle, not even to travel. She knew how much he disliked them. “Why?”

Lloyd only stepped back from her slightly so he could write in her hand again. ‘ _Flying is only fun with someone else.’_ He deemed that to be enough of an explanation as he then pulled her forward to wrap her in his arms, spreading his wings and slowly lifting them into the sky.

“Ah! Lloyd!” Colette clung to him, feeling the ground leave her. It was a familiar feeling – all her trips and stumbles had made her acquainted with the air. But she wasn’t roughly falling to the dirt to get scratches across her knees. She was held aloft by Lloyd, his hold on her so tight, as he started to fly them through the night sky. “Too high up!”

But Lloyd smiled at her, calming her beating heart, if only a little bit. His grin broke through her fear, until she could only mirror it back. Then she was laughing, feeling the wind in her hair as he dove all around the air. So cold! But Lloyd’s arms around her kept her warm.

“Can we go to the doggy nose star?” she asked, arms wrapped around Lloyd’s neck. He answered with a nod, and then another great beat of his wings got them flying toward a part of the sky.

She felt the chain of her necklace whip around her wildly as they flew, the pendant of it still hanging on. But she knew it wouldn’t break. Lloyd had made it for her. And he always made such wonderful things.

They would have to still decide on where to go tomorrow, on what to do. She still saw the Tower of Salvation behind them, like a beacon that was difficult to turn away from. But Lloyd said he would stay by her side. They could figure out what to do together.


	2. Lloyd

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lloyd goes to the Tower of Salvation.

Lloyd remembered when he used to be a terrible liar.

Once, when he was 10, he had snuck both himself and Noishe out of the Church for a ride across the beach, watching as the waves lapped against the shores. He had needed chaperones back then, but he hated being cooped up within those walls. After hearing Colette’s tales of nearly slipping into a crashing wave on a school trip to the beach, he had wanted to go himself. The salt in the air had been strong, and the spray from the ocean fell against his skin.

The plan was to sneak back inside the Church’s stable afterwards, to dump hay all over Noishe and himself, and play the idea that he had just napped inside the place the entire time they had been out, for the priests rarely went there anyway.

But a pointed question by one pastor, “Why is there sand on your shoes then?” had gotten Lloyd flustered, had gotten him rambling. When Noishe finally started whining, Lloyd’s brilliant plan had faltered. He had to do so much more reading of the Church’s books that week.

This was before he had become an angel though.

Losing his ability to taste, he no longer succumbed to hunger. So, his mind didn’t wander as much when he was thinking of what he would eat for dinner later. Losing his ability to feel, Lloyd didn’t focus on his aching feet as he walked, or how tired he would feel after a bad night of sleep. And sleep – that he no longer needed either. He didn’t feel groggy anymore from interrupted sleep or dreams that took hold of him and just barely let him go in the morning; those dreams always of rain, of thunder, and of a lurking shadow that reached its great arms towards him.

Once losing his voice, he was no longer prey to stutters, or stumbles, or tell-tale lapses in his voice. His words had always been a dead giveaway to any of his lies, some that even Colette could see through.

But without a voice, and without as much distractions, and a strange focus that sometimes hurt his head, Lloyd could now lie a little easier. Just a little.

Last night had proven to him that a little was enough.

The inn room in Hima was different from others. Everyone shared the same one, with cots on the floor and a great fireplace that warmed up the furs and blankets. He sat up in his, tightening his sword belts as he watched everyone sleep. Not so peacefully, as he could see from the half-frown on Genis’ face, or the small wrinkle on Professor Sage’s forehead. Even Sheena seemed to toss and turn a bit, Corrine still nuzzled to her side despite the constant motion.

And Colette was covered completely in her blankets, with just a peek of her head showing. She had been very cold last night from their flight as they came back, smiling wide as her teeth chattered. Yet even as he placed his hands over her arms, rushing his palms over her skin to help her warm up, he couldn’t feel the chill at all, or anything else.

Lloyd got up quietly from his place, heading for the door. He looked back, seeing Colette continue to sleep, continue to dream. He hoped they were good ones.

He also hoped she would forgive him for lying to her.

A soft click of the door, carefully holding onto at least one sword hilt to keep it from clanging around. Lloyd heard nothing else stir from the room, not even needing to strain his ears to tell. His angel senses could let him hear a needle drop from several rooms away. If he had even been allowed to sleep, he’d never be able to with every soft sound now completely amplified within his ear drums.

Lloyd carried not much else besides his weapons, quietly walking across the hardwood floors to get to the front of the inn. No one else was in the lobby, the innkeeper still asleep due to the early hour. Yet the moment Lloyd stepped outside into the morning air, his angel hearing once again made him wince.

He was already hearing Noishe’s whines before the dog even appeared in his line of sight. With a silent groan, he saw the white and green fur rush from out of the stables near the inn towards his direction.

 _‘Stop, stop! Quiet!’_ Lloyd tried to say the best way he could to his giant pet. Since he couldn’t talk, the most he could do was wave his arms around like an idiot at Noishe, hoping that was enough of a clear command to get his dog to hush up. ‘ _Why are you even up this early?!’_

It didn’t matter. Noishe whined at an even higher pitch, which was murder on Lloyd’s super hearing. The dog even got up on his hind legs to place his front paws over Lloyd’s chest, as if attempting to hug.

 _‘Gah, come on…’_ Still, he sighed, and even awkwardly placed his hands around Noishe’s shoulders with a weird attempt at a hug of his own. But a brief glance to the sky, the tower shining like a thread connecting to the center of the world, and he determinedly forced the dog back down to earth.

 _‘Stay.’_ He said this by pointing at Noishe and then at the ground, doing that several times so that the animal couldn’t mistake the meaning. Noishe wasn’t a dumb dog. So when he tried to walk off, and Noishe tried to follow, Lloyd knew that his pet was deliberately not listening to him.

 _‘Just stay already!’_ Lloyd tried again. He was already traveling up the cliff, the rocky path making his steps a little less unsure, the wind still blowing so strongly, whipping at his collar. He passed the small gravesite with its blankets of mementos; such as a comb, a small figurine, and even a small pile of Gald. Lloyd tried not to think too hard about it as he kept going – and as Noishe continued to follow him.

Finally, with exasperation as he neared the top, Lloyd turned back, staring his dog down. Or, at least he tried to. Noishe was still as tall as him, but the dog withered under his hard stare all the same. ‘ _You need to stay,’_ he said with a swift pointing back down the cliff.

 _Whine, whine, whine,_ went Noishe, ears drooping so low, they hung around both sides of his face. He had never whined this much before…

 _‘Noishe…_ ’ In surrender, Lloyd tried to then give his dog gentle pats over his head, fingers rushing through the forest of thick fur. ‘ _Don’t make this hard.’_

The dog leaned into his touch, tail wagging behind him slowly, but only that. His ears stayed drooped, and he still whined. Lloyd couldn’t cry, but it seemed Noishe was doing that just fine on his own, wasn’t he?

Soon those small pats turned into an embrace. Arms wrapped around the dog’s big neck, Lloyd burying his face within it. He couldn’t feel the tickle of the fur on his face, or the warmth of the animal that was just as tall as him. Yet the hug was nice all the same. Somehow.

He used to do this a lot when he was younger – hugging Noishe. He had done that especially after finding out his fate.

Then, he stepped back, holding the other by the chin and looking at him straight in those big, black eyes. ‘ _Take care of Colette for me. Okay?’_ He couldn’t make sure of his dog understanding him. Not like he could write out what he meant on those tough paw pads of his… Still, he had to try. ‘ _Promise?’_

But that was the weird thing about Noishe – sometimes, he understood things completely.

The dog looked at Lloyd with those sad eyes of his, then carefully sat down, tail still wagging as it brushed against the loose rock on the ground. The whine turned into a small howl, low and moving through Lloyd’s chest to settle inside of him. He wasn’t supposed to be able to feel, and yet, he felt something so sharp within him. Why did it hurt even more when he couldn’t cry?

Lloyd gave Noishe one last scratch behind the ears before he finally moved away, walking back up the cliff. Noishe no longer followed him, staying put. He kept whining, but that was not a thing his pet could control, he knew. ‘ _Thanks, boy.’_

Maybe at the very least, Colette wouldn’t hate Lloyd completely for this if Noishe would go to her. She loved dogs, after all.

Lloyd soon made it to the top of the cliff, watching as the length of the Tower of Salvation only grew taller with each step he took. He had tried craning his neck up as high as he could the other night as he stargazed with Colette. But the top of the tower disappeared into the clouds further above, into someplace far beyond. The sun had only just begun to rise, staining the sky with orange and pink. It looked so pretty suddenly, the tower within the early morning light.

The wind was just as strong as it had been the other night. He felt no cold, nothing, yet even then something was gripping his chest tight.

A part of him just wanted to curl up beside Noishe and fall asleep, just like he had done when he was a kid. That was back when…his dad had been more around. He would always take care of Noishe, would tell Lloyd to take care of him whenever he was gone. And now, he had been gone for so long that once Lloyd left on his journey, he had never even had the chance to say goodbye.

He slowly tightened his hand, expecting to feel (or believe he’d feel) Colette’s own hand in his. But, no. He had just left her. She wouldn’t be here.

It was hard to not be selfish still.

He looked around himself, remembering how the dragon handler from earlier had boasted about selling rides for people to get to the Tower of Salvation with his trained dragons. But the price had been ridiculous, and he remembered how everyone had been trying to see how they could gather enough funds in time.

He wished he could _at least_ ride a dragon. That would have been so cool… but this was more important than what he wanted. Besides, he had other ways of getting there. He had realized that last night.

Lloyd closed his eyes then. His wings formed from his back, a soft span of light that expanded into something grand. Feathers detailed themselves in the quickly approaching morning. The wings fluttered behind them as if they had a mind of their own. But, if his nighttime flying with Colette told him anything, it was that he could control these well enough.

Lloyd had always known he would be doing this alone. It had been a mistake to let Colette travel with him, for letting her believe they could stop this path. But he had hoped too. And now they had run out of time.

 _‘Maybe…it won’t be so hard,_ ’ he thought.

With a deep breath, Lloyd stepped over the cliff, then let his wings beat. He barely descended before he was flying upwards, trailing motes of sparkling dust in his flight as he headed towards the tower. He had no need for dragons to travel to the tower – just one of the blessings from the angels.

He still remembered Colette’s laughter as he flew. It was the only thing worth remembering.

* * *

Once he entered the tower where the final seal slept, he already noted the floating caskets above him, winding around in a spiral that seemed to have no end or beginning. Wings still out, he briefly wondered if he could fly up to them, seeing up close the faces of each failed Chosen. Because these were the ones that had failed the journey, weren’t they?

Lloyd saw the stairs that wound up along a structure in the middle, their climb so high and already making his legs ache at the sight. Oh, but not like he would feel it… He wouldn’t feel the strain of climbing up so many steps, or get winded or anything that had once made him feel so human.

He’d be as unfeeling as those bodies that hung in the air of the tower.

His wings beat slightly behind him, but they dissipated the moment his feet touched solid ground, drifting off into feathers that burst into stardust as the mana weakened with time. He looked up at the stairs once again, feeling so alone, but knowing he _had_ to do this alone. It was his responsibility in the end, and no one else’s.

Lloyd started to climb the stairs, careful not to look back through the door he had entered. Colette would have woken up by now. She would have seen his bed was empty. Maybe she would even run into Noishe later, the dog still whining as he sat on the cliff, looking off into the tower’s direction. But still, Lloyd climbed, all as his mind started to focus and dread and feel so heavy underneath the very thing he had been avoiding for so long.

Still, there was one thing he could try.

Already he was there, the light so bright, the symbols engraved on the floor and carving into his vision. It was much too soon, much more than he had been prepared for, for he could never be prepared for this moment no matter how many boring Church books he read, no matter how many seals had fought at, no matter how many times he had prayed – and maybe, maybe he just wasn’t right for this. He could never get the hang of prayer, or reading, or understanding so much. Maybe this was a mistake.

He clutched the hilt of his swords, already feeling Remiel’s presence and picturing him there without looking up. He knew the other would be floating above him with his great white wings, face as cold as it had been at every seal. It had gotten so common and mundane that half the time, Lloyd would not look at Remiel as he prayed.

Lloyd was used to everyone watching him at this part; go up to the part of the seal that glowed, close his eyes, and just let the angel’s words wash over him like as he felt another part of himself get taken away. But he was alone – and maybe that made things easier.

“You have finally arrived at the final seal, Chosen One. Offer your prayers at the altar, and accept the last blessing of the angels.”

That was all he had to do, but Lloyd wouldn’t let go of his sword hilts. He wouldn’t look up, even as he walked forward, eyes directed to the floor where those symbols glowed, so much that, somehow, it hurt his skull. But the pain was welcome. He wasn’t lost completely yet.

He could sense Remiel’s gaze on him, his impatience, his irritation. Not exactly heavenly behavior, and it was thoughts like these that made him feel worthless as a Chosen. But he couldn’t ignore them.

“Chosen One. Offer your prayers.”

Lloyd quickly unsheathed both swords, the metal singing against the scabbards, their sound bouncing against the unseen walls of the tower. He finally raised his head, holding his weapons as he glared at the angel.

Remiel looked exactly how he had imagined – hard, cold, irritated. And it only hardened Lloyd’s resolve.

“What’s this?” the angel asked. “What do you think you’re doing?” His voice held barely an inflection, no longer even trying to sound welcoming or understanding. Ever since meeting the angel, Lloyd could never find it in himself to trust him. Something had been wrong since the beginning, and his body tensed for anything that would come.

 _‘You’ve been lying all this time,’_ Lloyd thought, knowing the other angel could hear him. After all, he had made him this way, and he had _better_ understand him right now. ‘ _Am I even supposed to save the world?’_

Remiel narrowed his eyes. His robes, so much like the kind but much too old pastors back at the Church wore, hanging from him as still as stone. “That is what the Chosen is destined to do; to regenerate this dying world and awaken the Goddess. You’ve been taught this, have you not? Or have the people of this world neglected to even do such a simple task?”

Lloyd tightened his grip on the swords, expecting nothing less than a strike for his disobedience. ‘ _What about the other world called Tethe’alla? And I don’t mean the moon!’_ He wasn’t sure if he needed to clarify that, but he had been _very_ confused when Sheena had talked about her home, Lloyd thinking for a full five minutes how Sheena had been able to fly through space (and if he could do the same, too).

He saw a twisting of the angel’s lips, the light from below casting deep and dark shadows across his face. The mask was slipping. Lloyd had almost thought he had been wrong, but so much of what he’d been going through had never felt right. Only Colette traveling with him, staying by his side…

“That is not for you to know,” Remiel simply said, and that unlocked an anger of Lloyd's own.

 _‘Well that doesn’t matter now! I already know! I can't just ignore it!’_ He stepped forward, head brimming with the shouts of his stolen voice. _‘Once I save this world, the other one will start to decline, won’t it? Is this all the journey has been about? Switching between which world gets to suffer?’_

The tower was silent except for the humming that came from below, from the light of the seal. He could already feel his Cruxis Crystal react to it, but he tried to ignore it, focusing only on what he needed to be answered.

Remiel just barely inclined his head, a wrinkle forming on his forehead from the strength of his frown. He looked at Lloyd as if he were an insect. The word came to Lloyd’s skull so viciously that he was thrown off by the soft hint of disgust in that stare.

“When you offer your prayers, the world will be saved. That includes the world of Tethe’alla. If the Chosen wishes it.” A pause, one that Lloyd almost expected anything to happen. Maybe the angel would strike him down with his judgment, or he would suddenly take Lloyd’s life right now with a whispered word. “Is that what you wish?”

 _‘Of course I do!’_ Lloyd, so enwrapped in his need to make his wish be heard, he had mouthed the words despite his lack of a voice. ‘ _I don’t want anyone else to suffer!’_

“Then offer your prayers at the seal.”

Still, Lloyd kept a grip on his swords. He stayed where he was, unbelieving, completely resistant.

It was then Remiel’s irritation turned to anger. “You would fight me instead? Is that what this display is all about?” His frown became a smile, and it was one smile that Lloyd wished he didn’t have to see right before the end. “This world already has a graveyard of failed Chosens. Do you wish to join them?”

His Cruxis Crystal was flaring, making Lloyd wince, but he stood his ground. ‘ _Tell me what this system is really all about! The goddess isn’t even real, is she? What are you-’_

“Lloyd, are you forsaking this world so easily?”

And suddenly, the unshakeable confidence he had, the small ground of determination he stood on – it completely shattered at that voice.

Lloyd blinked, seeing the figure further back from Remiel, standing on a nearly unseen part of the altar. He had been so still, so unassuming the entire time, that Lloyd had not even been able to point him out from the rest of the structure. Or maybe he had just been too headstrong and narrow-focused to notice him. Something Kratos would say to him, and lecture on as he helped fix the fighter’s stance his son took before they would train again…

_‘Dad? What…what are you…’_

It was as if Kratos had been plucked from his memory and put here before him. He looked no different from when he had left, wearing the same outfit of criss-crossing belts and colors that echoed the skies, wearing the same expression of such taciturn seriousness, that Lloyd instantly felt chagrined for a mistake he’d done, or an embarrassment that he couldn’t take back.

But seeing him here made everything waver – the crystal at his neck shone so brightly that it almost burned.

 _‘You’ve been…part of them this entire time?’_ Lloyd could only ask, hands shaking. His grip on his swords loosened.

Kratos closed his eyes, arms crossed over his chest, letting the silence between them drag out until Lloyd could barely take it. Something like real pain was searing in his chest. So, there were still parts of him that remained human for now, still there, all of it so overwhelming.

“Do what you need to do,” Kratos said, his vagueness as frustrating as ever. But Lloyd could hear the faint command in them. “For the sake of this world.”

This world. This world that had Genis, Professor Sage, Noishe, Dirk…and Colette. For one crucial moment, in some stupid notion of being a hero that could save everyone if he tried hard enough, that he could fight against centuries of tradition and norms just because he said so, he had forgotten everything. What a failure of a Chosen he was.

Gritting his teeth tight, he let his swords fall to the floor with a clatter, the sound so harsh in the stillness. Nothing like a real Chosen at all.

“Now, offer your prayers,” Remiel repeated, his tone indicating that he did not expect to repeat them again. “Offer your heart and your memory.”

Lloyd didn’t even react. The Cruxis Crystal felt like it was tightening around his neck, but he only shut his eyes, remembering the incantations those same old and kind priests taught him. _Goddess Martel, great protector and nurturer of the earth, grant me thy strength._

Could his dad hear the hollow tone his silent voice held as he thought the prayers? Could Remiel? Did it even matter? Maybe not, for he could barely believe in any of it anymore, and still lights swirled around him as something terrible settled into his chest. Something being taken away, leaving him nothing left to even grasp.

The footsteps that he was hearing, he thought it was just in his head until it grew louder, louder than the humming of the altar beneath him.

“Wait! Don’t!”

Something golden rushed past his head to strike at the angel above him.

Remiel instantly shielded himself with his angelic power, but the frown had come back, his eyes now riveted behind Lloyd. “More interruptions? Do you inferior beings really want this world to sink into oblivion?”

The chakram circled back from Remiel’s deflection. Colette deftly caught it in her right hand, standing beside Lloyd, her eyes hard as she stared back at the angel’s direction. “You’re _not_ taking him! I won’t let you!”

_‘Colette…?’_

She turned to him, despite him not making any sound or moving at all. She rushed over, just short of embracing him since she still held onto the chakrams in both hands. “Lloyd! Thank goodness you’re okay! But…why did you just go? We promised… we promised we would find another way, didn’t we?”

Lloyd blinked. Colette was desperately trying to catch her breath, her cheeks flushed from the climb, her hair a bit frazzled from her rush. Even her necklace swayed a little from her motion, the metal gleaming from the light. He heard more footsteps, knowing it to be the others catching up. But he didn’t turn towards the grumbling of Genis, or the labored breathing of the Professor. He kept his eyes on Colette who still wanted to stay by his side.

 _‘Colette, I’m…’_ He was still just thinking out his thoughts, hands stuck at his sides. ‘ _I’m sorry. I was trying to protect you.’_

“But I’m supposed to protect _you!_ Don’t you believe that I can?” Colette quickly put away one of her chakrams in a hidden fold of her dress so that she could reach for his hand, gripping it tight. “That’s why I set out on this journey with you. I was supposed to protect you from this…”

Another surprise nearly whiplashed him then. He clasped both of his hands over her own, leaning close. ‘ _Wait. Colette, you can hear me? You can hear my voice?’_

Colette stilled, looking confused before stuttering out her answer. “Ah, I…I think so… I think… I’ve been hearing you all this time. But I thought I was just imagining it…” A smile broke through, rushing past her exhaustion to look at him so brightly. “I can hear you! Then… maybe this means we have a chance at…”

Though Lloyd was happy that she could hear him, so happy that he thought he would collapse from the very notion that she could still understand him so well – he quickly remembered that she wasn’t the only one.

“Chosen One. You have already offered your prayers.” Remiel’s voice slid through like a knife, cutting the warm bubble that Lloyd and Colette had somehow created for themselves. “Or will you keep lingering?”

Colette turned to Remiel, clutching at her sole chakram, loathe to let go of Lloyd’s hand. “You can’t take him! I’ll fight for as long as-”

 _‘Colette,’_ Lloyd thought, and maybe in the end he was really just a coward. He could already feel something grip him tight from the inside, something leeching out of him as his Cruxis Crystal glowed. He had already offered himself. He couldn’t take it back even if he wanted to.

Somewhere, he still felt Kratos’ eyes on him. The hand in Colette’s grip shook so much.

She was facing him again, skin going from flushed to pale all too quickly. She was realizing now. That was when she dropped her chakram to clutch at his hands desperately. “You’re not going, are you? Please don’t go.”

 _‘I don’t…want to go,’_ he said, body shuddering and feeling so weak. He’d always been a weak Chosen. ‘ _I really don’t. But I already messed up, I tried to do this on my own.’_ If he could, he’d laugh at all this, at all the mistakes he made. But he saw the pain in Colette’s eyes and felt everything shrivel up in his chest. ‘ _But…I’m glad I can still see you before I go.’_

Colette still held him tight, her voice in a panic. “We don’t have to say goodbye! Lloyd! We can still have time! Please…”

But something inside of Lloyd was slipping. It was getting harder to focus, when before, he could focus too much. It was almost like he was falling asleep, every part of himself, his fatigue, his hunger, his sensations – all of it he could finally find, and he would fall into that darkness with them.

His eyes stung. Colette gasped and placed a hand against his cheek, her thump swiping away at… “You’re crying.”

Oh. He was. That was why his vision was blurry, why it was getting harder to breathe. At the very least, he could feel something then. It was painful, and it made his head ache. How long had it been since he really felt something in his body like this?

He smiled as his tears fell, all while Colette looked on in confusion. “Lloyd?”

There were so many eyes on them both; the angel, their friends, and his own father… but if he was going to go, then he didn’t care what they saw.

Shoulders shaking, still crying freely, he took Colette’s face in his hands and leaned forwards. Throughout the journey, long after he had stopped feeling, he would kiss her, always surprising her, sometimes even eliciting out a small giggle from her. He couldn’t feel the sensation of her lips on hers, but she could, and that was good enough for him.

But as he kissed her, he could appreciate the way she fit against him so, the softness of her mouth, the small sound she made that vibrated through his body. It was invigorating and it made him feel even more alive than he had felt in months.

As he finally moved away, fingers sifted through her hair, so soft that the fine strands tickled him. He chuckled, not surprised when he could hear himself.

“Thank you, Colette.”

Something pulled at his back. He knew it was finally time.

Colette watched blankly as Lloyd was lifted into the air, his tears finally drying. Her hands trailed against him, first his arms, his wrists, his own hands. Then they were finally separated, prompting Colette to finally find her own voice. “No. Lloyd. _Lloyd!”_

He didn’t need to see his wings to know they were appearing behind them. It was hard to control them now. It was hard to control anything, feeling himself already start to lose himself again, bit by bit so that he could sleep in the dark.

All he could control was his love for Colette, so whole and far reaching and complete. He wished he could get rid of the pain in her face, sorry that he could cause so much. But, for a moment again, he had been happy with her, to feel her as a human instead of whatever else he was becoming.

“Goodbye,” he said, before the world finally grew dark – and for the first time in so many months, he drifted immediately off to sleep.


	3. Colette (and only her alone)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the end, Lloyd had given away his heart and memories.
> 
> But Colette still has hers.

From as young as she could remember, Colette would hear of how the people of Iselia talked about Lloyd Aurion, the Chosen – and how suddenly he had arrived at their village.

Not alone, of course. It was both him and his father, strolling through the front gate late one night. Eyes strayed to see this man in what looked like mercenary garb, a heavy sword strapped to his waist. But what had been most intriguing was the young child he held in his arms, cradled against his chest all too preciously. He had not even given a word of greeting to anyone, instead continuing onto his destination – towards the Iselia Chapel, where one was taught the teachings of Martel and her angels of Cruxis.

It was there that this man told them of his son being the next Chosen.

It was unorthodox, and those of the mana lineage usually did not travel from place to place, for such a bloodline needed to be protected. It had been said that, at first, the pastors of the Church of Martel, had not believed Lloyd to be the Chosen, for determining the next one was an arduous and sacred process. First, they must assess the parents to be of the correct lineage, check their archives that the arranged marriages had been ordained with a pastor present. Then during childbirth, the midwife from the Church must be there to help ensure that the child would live through any complications. And thus, they would see if the child bore the-

Then it was said this mercenary had opened the sleeping Lloyd’s palm, the Cruxis Crystal lighting up the night from the Chosen’s touch.

Colette remembered when she first met Lloyd.

Her family, like the rest of Iselia, were devout in their prayers for Martel. It was not often that those of the village could visit the chapel, but when the pastors deemed it time for a rare sermon to be delivered, the Brunel family would be the first to arrive and the last to leave. From as early as 7 years old, she had clutched her father’s hand as they walked up the winding, steep path towards the chapel, the banners bearing Martel’s symbol fluttering from the early morning breeze.

Once arriving at the entrance, her father had let go of her hand briefly to help her grandmother walk over a high doorstep. Colette’s gaze had been transfixed on the pews, on the pretty statues of angels placed on pedestals all around her, on the stained glass showing off the holy versions of Martel. Was this what it was like to be an angel?

Then, in her absent-minded walk through the chapel, she had tripped – and to make matters worse, she had tripped over someone who had just been sitting on the floor?

“Wah!”

The cry had come from the other’s throat instead of her own. She scraped her elbows upon falling, wincing at the sharp pain. “Ow…” A brief blink, and she saw that the person she had tripped over had been a young boy, papers full of colors and lines strewn about the floor. Had this boy been drawing?

“Why don’t you be more careful?” said the boy, clearly irritated. He tried to sit up again, but one hem of the robes he wore had been caught in between the cracks on the floor. He nearly fell back again at the unexpected tug. “Aw man…”

“I can help!” Colette instantly offered, for her dad always told her how good it was to help people. And she liked helping, too! She took the boy’s arm, pulling him up so that he could get to his feet like she was. The scratches on her elbows had been completely forgotten.

The boy blinked, then flailed with his free arm. “Wait wait! You’re gonna rip it-!”

_Riiiip._

“…Uh oh.” Both children were standing now, but the flap that had been hanging off the back of the boy’s clothes had practically been ripped in half. Colette saw the white frayed hem still stuck on the floor, its gold filigree looking so dim.

“I told you!” the boy said back, pouting. He looked behind himself, nearly stumbling backwards as he tried to see the damage done. “They’re gonna kill me for this…”

“Ah…I’m so sorry.” Colette sniffled, lips trembling. “I messed up…”

“Huh? Why are you crying?” The boy looked so surprised, so unsure what to do with this crying girl in front of him. “You don’t need to…”

“Chosen One! There you are! The sermon will almost start soon.”

An old pastor had come upon the small children, his bushy eyebrows raised as he saw a softly crying girl in his chapel, and his charge looking guilty as sin – his expensive robes ripped as if it were nothing but rags.

“Ah. Lloyd, you shouldn’t roughhouse with young girls, you know. And look what has happened to your clothes.” The man sighed. “No time to change however. Now hurry and apologize. We must hurry along.”

“What?! But I didn’t…” The boy blinked, looking back at Colette who tried her best to wipe away her tears, and only succeeding in more falling down her cheeks. He hung his head in defeat. “…Sorry. I won’t do that again.”

Colette tried to steady her throat enough to speak. It hadn’t been his fault at all! But the grownup didn’t linger. He took Lloyd’s hand, guiding him between the pews to sit near the altar. She caught a pair of brown eyes looking back at her before he had gone far enough away.

“Colette? Did you fall down again?” Her father’s voice floated to her, a hand patting her head while another checked her arms. She heard him give a click of his tongue at his inspection. “Good thing I’ve brought some gels along… Oh, when did you have time to draw all this?”

“H-Huh?” Colette sniffled more, clearing away the hiccups in her throat. She looked down at the floor where the drawings were still splayed across the cobblestoned-ground of the chapel. Drawings of flowers, of the skies, and of a green doggie decorated the white pages. Colors so bright, they made her breath stop at the sight.

“Should we gather this up to take home later?” Her father didn’t even reprimand her for going off on her own, and how easily he believed that she would draw all this so quickly.

Colette took one last look at them before raising her head towards her father. “If…that’s okay…”

After the sermon, Colette had once again sneaked away from her father. She had made it an art on pinpointing just when he would get distracted long enough so that she could leave his sight without him realizing. Usually it would be due to her grandmother, who was directing Colette’s father towards a particular angel statue towards the right wall of the Chapel. “You know, this one looks so much like Aithra…” Colette last heard before she ran off.

It was because she had seen the boy from before walk away, heading towards a stairway. His robes were still ripped, even a bit lopsided. In her hands, she clutched a gathering of papers, careful not to ruin them in her grip.

“Wait!” she called out. “You forgot these!” And of course, in her rush, she had tripped again-

A pair of arms caught her quickly, though for one dangerous moment, it seemed they would both fall over themselves. She heard the crinkling of paper, loud in her ears. Then, a steadiness, a shaking touch over her arms.

“Why do you keep trying to push me?” spoke the boy. He sounded so shocked and confused, moving back slightly. “It’s kinda weird…”

Colette hastily stepped back, but she did her best to not cry again. She would not cry… Instead she took in a deep breath and handed over the papers in her arms. “I wanted to give these back to you! They’re your pretty drawings…”

And just then, she noticed that some of the papers had been crushed after falling against the boy. “Oh no…”

The boy was looking at her, then at the papers. She held them like they were precious. “…You got those for me?”

“Yeah…” She sniffed. “But I messed them up…”

“Eh, they’re not that good…” the boy said glumly. But Colette looked up then, and saw the way he kept looking around, scratching at his arm occasionally. “But…you like them?”

The question confused her. They were such nice drawings! Why wouldn’t she like them? But she nodded quickly. “Yes! Like… this one!” Carefully she pulled away one of the drawings from her grip, holding it up for the boy to see as if he had never laid eyes on them before, much less draw it. “I like this one the most! It’s a cute doggie.”

“Oh!” The boy’s eyes widened. “You can tell it’s a dog?”

“Yeah! It has its big tail here… and the ears!”

“No one ever thinks that Noishe is…” But the boy shook his head, then for the first time since Colette met him, saw him smile. And he was smiling right at her – it seemed to make her stomach all fluttery. She wondered if she was getting hungry. “You must be like… a doggy expert to know that!”

Colette could only smile back. “Hehe. Well… I like doggies very much!”

The boy was laughing, seeming much happier than when she first met him. He carefully took the drawing she held, though Colette felt a bit sad when she let go. She really liked that picture…

“I did this one better than the others… but all the grown-ups just say I should stop wasting time with these.” He said the words a bit softly, capturing all of Colette’s attention – not that the boy hadn’t already had it before. “But, you really like it?”

“Uh huh!” She nodded her head vigorously. “I like all your drawings! I can’t draw at all. It’s really cool!”

Something in what she said had gotten the boy nearly jumping on the tips of his toes. “You think I’m cool?”

“Yeah!”

“Wow…” The boy seemed to try and recuperate from all the compliments. Then looking back down at the drawing he held, he handed it back. “You should keep it though. I mean… if you really like it?” he asked again. Maybe he hadn’t heard well the first time. But Colette was happy to tell him, nodding and giggling in delight.

But just as she took back the drawing, the boy tilted his head. “Actually… maybe it would be better if you saw Noishe. Then you can tell me if I got him good!”

“Noishe?”

“Oh! That’s my dog.”

Colette had heard about heaven, and that all good children like her would one day go to it if they stayed good. But hearing about a possible dog nearby made her feel she was already there. “Yes! I! I want to see your dog? Please!”

“Wah! Okay, okay, I said I was gonna!”

At that moment, Colette realized she had never told him her name. She had gotten so distracted by thoughts of dogs… “Ah, um, my name’s Colette. I forgot to say… Do you always go to the church a lot too?” It was her first time here, and the boy seemed to know his way around more.

Her new friend didn’t say much, seeming to take his time on an answer as he scratched at his cheek idly. “Uh… I kinda do, yeah…” Then he grinned again. “Colette. That sounds nice.”

Again, the weird flutter in her stomach. She’d have to ask her dad to make her lunch soon…

There was a brief worry that she should probably let him know where she was, but the boy was already quickly gesturing her to a side entrance, looking excited. “Noishe is great! He can run really fast when he wants to!”

“Is his fur soft?” she asked, awe in her voice.

“The softest!” And with that, the boy took her hand ( _flutter, flutter_ ) and led her out to where he spoke more about the stables where his dog lived.

“Oh yeah! I didn’t tell you my name yet…” He looked away. “I’m Lloyd, the uh… Just Lloyd! Sorry, forgot to say too.”

“Hi, Lloyd!” she greeted happily. But she had heard the pause. For one moment, she tried to push away the excitability of meeting a dog so that she could ask him. “You’re the what though?”

But instead, Lloyd, her new friend, shook his head, already leading her out the side entrance and towards the stable, all while she still carried his drawings – those same drawings that would later decorate her table in her room, with the doggy picture hung up beside her bed. “It’s nothing. Let’s go!”

It was only a few days after that she would see the same boy again. Professor Sage had announced that a new student would be joining their class, an important one, a boy that they should all learn the name of Lloyd Aurion, the Chosen of Sylvarant.

* * *

Colette didn’t know who to turn to when she found out Lloyd had already left the village. Professor Sage had gone with him, and Genis was just as blindsided about the departure as she was. The priests refused to tell her much except that the Chosen was ready to fulfill his duty, and even her family accepted that this was had only been a matter of time before it occurred.

But after trying to speak with the priests, she had gone down its winding steps with defeat when she spotted Dirk, ready to head over to where she had just left.

“Mr. Dirk!” she shouted to him, already rushing and then flopping to her side once she reached the bottom step. She felt one of Dirk’s glove-covered hands reach for her shoulder to help her stand.

“Colette, ya need to learn to steady yer feet more,” he gently teased. On his back was a knapsack with all his tools and wares. Was he tasked to work on something else at the chapel? Colette suddenly wondered if he had been the one to make those pretty angel statues she would always see inside.

“It’s…It’s Lloyd,” she gasped out. “He’s already gone on his journey. But I have to find him! Do you know where he went? The priests wouldn’t tell me.” She could feel herself speaking too fast, but her panic was overriding everything. And how could she calm down when she knew what would happen in the end?

And Colette rarely talked with Dirk – he was so intimidating, with his arms as thick as tree trunks, and his bushy beard. She felt he could crush her small body with just one hand, but that same hand merely patted her shoulder, as gentle as if she were a small baby bird he had found on the road.

“Towards the Triet desert. Told Lloyd he could meet a fortune teller there to pass the time.” Dirk avoided looking in her eyes. “But crossing the desert for him and Raine will be a challenge. And all that fur on Noishe won't make it easy either.”

Colette clutched her hands together, feeling helpless. The necklace Lloyd had given moved slightly, its weight heavier than before. “I need to go to him. I have to.” She waited for Dirk to say to put the idea out of her head, that it wasn’t her place, that it was all up to Lloyd regenerate the world – and that she should stay home where she was safe.

Except instead, Dirk said, “I think I know how I can help.” He gestured for her to follow, instead of turning her away.

It wasn’t long after that Colette felt some needed strength, all of it now fixed within her hand.

“Where did you get this?” Colette asked Dirk curiously. Her hand still ached somewhat from the process of the dwarf affixing the Exsphere there. The crest shown underneath the sunlight, the characters drawn into the metal so unfamiliar. She wondered if Lloyd would be able to read it…

Dirk didn’t answer right away, already putting aside his tools. He had his own private workstation near the stables that he had led her to. Throughout it, Colette had looked at the empty stall, hoping that Noishe was keeping Lloyd company, and would keep him warm during the cold nights with his fluffy fur.

The dwarf set down a spare crest on a table, still considering what he would say, until, “Someone entrusted me with that many years ago. I did not know her well… or for very long.” And something in his tone caught Colette’s attention, made her feel the weight underneath his words.

“But I believe that giving this to you was the right thing.” Dirk turned to Colette with a hearty smile, one that broke through his bushy beard. She saw that same kind of smile in Lloyd, when she could push through his somber moods and have him break out in laughter. “It will help you in protecting Lloyd, and Colette… I think he could use your strength now more than ever.”

It was scary, promising so much and worrying that she’d never be able to fulfill it. She pressed a palm over the Exsphere, feeling a small spark from it. Warm. She couldn’t let her family see this, she would soon have to leave. With a smile of her own, she gazed at Dirk. “Thank you. I promise I’ll protect him!”

Back then, she had felt so much stronger.

* * *

“If we find him-” A brief glare from Colette, interrupting Sheena as she struggled to both make sense and have her words be heard over the wind as they rode on the dragon. “Sorry. _When_ we find him, we can take him back to my world. To Tethe’alla.”

“We can go there?” Colette asked, already feeling bad she had made such an angry face at Sheena before. But not finding Lloyd in his bed, remembering how they had promised to stay together – so much was rushing through her chest, all of it hurting. The dragon’s wings beat strongly against the currents, and the constant motion of it maneuvering through the air was making it difficult to concentrate. Still, she tried. “All of us?”

“Yeah! Well… we should be able to. If I can find the Rheiards for us. Sorry, that’s the machine I was using to travel to your world. But the person I got them from, he should have more than one.”

Colette gripped onto the dragon’s harness, looking towards the tower with its never-ending structure. How far could one fly up towards the top before they had to stop? Would they ever reach the top at all?

“Don’t the people in Tethe’alla want Lloyd to fail?” She avoided saying the real reason. _Don’t they want you to kill him?_

But as Sheena held onto the dragon’s saddle they both sat on, seeing the other with Raine and Genis to their right, her voice was as serious as Colette had ever heard. “I won’t let them hurt him. I can explain what happened… How we don’t want him to be a Chosen.”

Colette felt the weight of her chakrams strapped to her back, the ache of her Exsphere on her hand, and the cool metal of the necklace she tucked insider her collar, hoping that what she had was enough. It had to be enough. She turned back to Sheena with a hopeful smile. “I always knew you were so kind, Sheena.”

The assassin flushed, stuttering out her words before she could even get them out – the wind was probably not helping matters. “I-I-I’m just repaying for what you guys did for me in Luin! That’s- that’s really it! I swear!”

Colette laughed as she turned back to the tower, one hand stroking the tough scales of the dragon underneath them. Maybe next time, once she got Lloyd back, she’d get to play more with the adorable dragons… Both her and Lloyd…

.

.

.

* * *

But Colette knew, despite all her hard work, that she wasn’t the best fighter.

No one in the village was an expert at chakram throwing – it wasn’t the usual like a sword or a spear – so Colette had instead self-taught. Her weapon had been among her mother’s belongings, etched with patterns that neither her father nor her grandmother could read. But if her mother had used these, it felt right to do the same. Had her mother wanted to protect someone too?

Colette had to rely on the feel of her weapons, experimenting with different angles thrown to learn how best to use them. It had resulted in a few broken windows and some tree climbing when she’d get one stuck in branches, but she had seen some improvement! Soon, she was one of the few girls in the village who could fight off a pack of monsters.

But that did not mean that she fought well.

Remiel was quick in his counter attack. Even as Colette dodged a wicked spear of light that impaled itself on the ground next to her, she flung her chakram at the angel’s face, feeling little qualm in doing so. Behind her, she could feel Professor Sage’s support, the steady cadence of Genis’ spells, and the quick footsteps of Sheena. She had everyone to help her.

Lloyd stood before her, watching her fight for her life – and his – without really watching her at all.

 _I was supposed to protect him,_ but even her regretful thoughts didn’t get to live long. Remiel gave her few chances to recover, and one misstep nearly had her colliding with a pillar that made up the altar. That had been enough to dodge another light spell from him, even if it was accidental.

“I will not have my chance ruined by some helpless brat!” Remiel shouted, losing any heavenly dignity he once had. “That boy is the key to everything!”

The way he talked about Lloyd like he was a tool. It got Colette to her feet, even if somewhat shakily. Searing heat, the sting of the chakrams’ edges against her palm. She said nothing, but once again threw, the Exsphere on her hand glowing bright.

Something about now made her feel stronger. Adrenaline? Desperation? Or…

Yet she wasn’t so lucky with Remiel’s next magic attack. It burned her arm, singed the dress she had been wearing ever since leaving Iselia. With a stumble, she fell to her knees, dropping one of her chakrams which then rolled too far out of her reach.

And all throughout, Lloyd kept floating up on his wings, staring as Colette, as his friends, struggled to survive.

“You have been nothing but an annoying gnat to me.” Remiel floated close, his wings beating in the air like a vulture’s. “Once I become one of the Four Seraphim, I’ll be glad to never deal with such inferior beings like you again.”

She didn’t understand what he was talking about. She could barely even think. Her breath came out in short bursts as the pain in her arm nearly became unimaginable.

“Colette!” Someone shouted out her name behind her. She didn’t know who it was. Genis? Or Sheena? Her head was pounding too much for her to be able to tell. She tried again to get to her feet, weakly holding the only weapon she had left.

But Remiel was holding up his hand to strike. Could she even move away in time?

“What makes you believe you could even defeat me?”

Colette saw movement from Lloyd finally, but it was not his own. It didn’t seem to be – the way he finally floated down to the ground, near Remiel, his wings as bright as stardust. He moved like a puppet, like a doll, drawn to Remiel’s voice who placed his other hand on his shoulder. It sent something sharp down Colette’s spine, seeing him handle Lloyd like that.

“Let him go,” she said, the words already leaving her lips.

Remiel ignored her. The heavenly magic forming in his hand only glowed brighter. Colette tried to stand, numerous situations flying through her head; should she try to grab Lloyd? Attack Remiel first? But he'd only block her attack again, he'd only take Lloyd out of her reach. Her hand ached, felt warm, blood pulsing so sharply through her.

"Let him go!" she shouted. 

The magic hit her, and she fell again with a crash to the floor. But she kept hold of the chakram this time.

Something close to a laugh left Remiel's throat. "Yes, once I become one of the Seraphim, I will never need to deal with such fodder…"

And was that all she could offer? Just to be an annoyance? Was that what made Lloyd think he had to do this alone?

Her vision was fading, but still she tried to stand, still she tried to make her way through. She had promised to protect him, and her hand felt like it burned so much, she couldn’t just remain still.

She raised her head, seeing Remiel grip Lloyd's shoulder so tightly, and he couldn't feel it, he couldn't feel his shoulder shattering before the man's hand-

_“I think he could use your strength now more than ever.”_

Remiel was shouting something, but nothing he could say would push her down again.

All she knew was at that moment, gloating over her weakness, he had let down his guard, already flying up with Lloyd to take him to heaven, as Professor Sage had told her what would happen. He was aiming another burst of magic for her.

Colette threw her chakram, her hand burning so much as her Exsphere caught the magic's light. She saw the blade slice his throat, saw his magic turn wayward and shatter the pillars above. Lloyd was thrown aside, his body nothing but a doll.

It had all happened so quickly, but still she rushed her body to him.

“Lloyd!” She caught him, bringing him close. She held onto Lloyd so tight, keeping his head against her chest. There was the sound of stone cracking, the tower shifting. But Lloyd didn’t react, never moving, his eyes open and blank.

But she’d protect him. That was all that mattered.

They both waited. She shut her eyes…

There was a shadow over her. Over both of them.

For a moment, she had known something was about to fall on top of them. Lloyd’s wings remained out, their span overcasting them both. But she didn’t dare look up and see the hurt that would surely follow. Even so, she’d help shield Lloyd from it with her body.

But she remained whole. Even so, a shadow…

Colette looked up. She wished she could say she was surprised to find a man standing before her, his back to her. But she recognized his face where she could see it, despite only having seen him a few times in her life.

He had the same eyes as Lloyd.

Kratos was holding up his sword, a green shielding forming around them all. It was the same guardian technique that Lloyd would do, she noticed.

He was going to stop her, wasn’t he?

But her weapons were gone, and she had to keep her hold on Lloyd. And now, she was feeling so sleepy, and Lloyd stayed unmoving in her arms.

The green shield around them both faded. Kratos lowered his sword, the blade catching the light of the seal they stood on. 

So tired, she was so tired… Yet she hadn’t let go of Lloyd. She could never do that, even if his arms hung from his sides, never reaching for her.

Kratos turned to her only slightly. The sword stayed out, stayed still.

“Take care of him, Colette.” His voice seemed so far away. “Please.”

It felt like a dream, but she fell asleep before waking.

* * *

.

.

.

When Colette was 13, she had already long fallen in love with Lloyd – but only on her birthday did she realize how far and reaching her love had gone.

“Lloyd! I can run faster than you I bet!” Colette was rushing down a stream, the Iselian forests open and bright. Her laughter rang out to join with the sunshine, its rays bouncing across the water’s surface, bobbing up and down with every ripple.

She could hear Lloyd coming up the path, already making up the distance for her sudden sprint. “Colette, I thought we were just going exploring!”

“Yeah! But we can race, too!” She climbed up on the top of a small log, her shoes nearly slipping on the moss that grew along its surface. She recovered quickly enough to stick out her tongue in Lloyd’s direction. “It’s more fun that way!”

“Well…you’re right!” Lloyd had finally made it through a brush, then saw Colette’s teasing face. Grinning, he rushed up towards her. “Got ya!”

“Nope,” Colette said before hopping off and running down a different pathway, one with the trees more enclosed. They were still exploring the forests this way, one thing that she knew Lloyd didn’t get to do much of while always being stuck in the Church, staying indoors and learning difficult subjects for most of the day.

She also knew Lloyd liked competition like this. “I’m gonna be much faster than you!” she shouted behind her.

“No way! That’s like…uh, blasphemy!” Lloyd followed after her, his Chosen robes flapping about his legs, nearly making him trip on more than one occasion, and his sleeves billowing back to fly in his face. At one point, she heard him curse, then reached both arms over his head to take off the upper part of his robe, revealing him in just the dark undershirt he wore underneath. He was soon rushing after her much more confidently.

“I don’t really know what blasphemy means, but I’ll prove you wrong!” After shouting out her promise, she then looked to a certain tree nearby and got the impulse to climb it. It was bent low, weighed down by years and its great mass of leaves that clothed its branches. The bark scratched her hands only slightly, her heart pounding from the run. But she had gotten on the second lowest branch, balancing well.

“I don’t know either!” Lloyd said that all too proudly. “Come on, you’re gonna let me catch up!” She heard footsteps from down below, flapping robes with leaves and twigs crunching underneath. “Uh…Colette? Where’d you go?”

Too excited to hold back her enthusiasm, Colette waved her arms, balancing herself on the bough with her knees clasped around it. “I beat you here! See?”

Lloyd raised his head up, blinking. “Hey! You never said this was the finish line!”

“Um, I do now then!” Colette raised her head up high, hands on her hips. “And now you have to admit that I’m faster than you!”

“Nooo, I want a rematch!”

But as Colette laughed, sitting up tall and trying to look as cool as sometimes Lloyd would do during their silly games - she then forgot how to balance herself. This was not a surprise, just a thing she typically did. But usually not when on a precarious branch, several feet above hard ground.

She didn’t even remember falling. Only the softness of Lloyd’s robes, and his shirt, as she descended on him, and then ungracefully falling on her side as she tried not to crush his chest with her weight.

The first thing she feared was if she had broken her new present.

“Oh no!” She got to her knees, patting the pockets of her dress. Feeling the shape of the figurine, she pulled it out, examining it in the sunshine. No cracks, no fissures… The doggy figurine Lloyd had made her was completely safe. She let out a relieved breath.

“…I’m okay though,” came out Lloyd’s winded voice before he sat up too. Twigs and leaves were stuck to his already stuck-out hair, and green stains from the grass had been rubbed into his once pristine robes.

“Ah! I’m sorry!” Still holding the figurine so preciously, she scuttled over to Lloyd, sitting beside him. “That was really stupid of me. Are you hurt?”

“I told you I’m okay!” He quickly fished out all the debris of the forest from his hair, eyes quickly noting what Colette held. “Why do you have that out?”

“Oh, I just wanted to make sure it wasn’t broken… I’m so clumsy with everything. I’d never forgive myself if I already messed up your present for me.”

Lloyd shook out his hair the way Noishe would sometimes do, finally getting the last stubborn leaf off him before facing Colette again. “I could just make you another one if it broke.” He blinked, reached out to grab that very same leaf from Colette’s hair. “Um, sorry.”

She hoped she wasn’t blushing then, or that any blush would be mistaken from running so much. “It’s okay. And just…I couldn’t ask you to make something for me like that.”

“Huh? Yes you can! I’ll make whatever you would like!” Lloyd gave a toothy grin, arms folded in front of him. It was rare she would see him in his undershirt, without half of the robes he was forced to wear. Eyes strayed to his lean arms, to the way the sunlight dappled across his neck. “I can even make another one to be that doggy’s friend.”

Colette, though initially excited at the idea, was curious about what he said before… “How come you wouldn’t mind? Isn’t that a lot of work?”

Maybe that question caught Lloyd off guard in return. He pulled in his knees, the boy’s skin seeming radiant in the sunshine that streamed through the branches overhead. “Being a Chosen is a lot of work…but making stuff for you isn’t.” He briefly looked towards the tree Colette had been sitting on before, seeing the place where the leaves had been disturbed. “I could do it all day honestly.”

Colette’s fingers ran against the contours of the figure, still amazed at the details of the ears, the eyes – all that she saw manifest right before her eyes as Lloyd crafted it from just a simple block of wood. She safely put it back in her pockets, deep enough so that it wouldn’t fall out. “Well, I still don’t wanna break it. I’ll keep it safe!” She raised her head to the sky, seeing it turn to shade of pink. “It’s getting late. Maybe we should go home.”

His hand reached out to grab her own. Blinking, she turned to him.

“We should run away,” he said, eyes staring straight into her own.

She had never heard her say something so serious in all the years they had known each other.

“Do you wanna run away with me, Colette?” he asked again.

Colette shivered, feeling like she was understanding everything so much now, at this moment, at every little thing she felt he had kept hidden from her. “Lloyd?”

Then a smile, his hand pulled back to smooth back his unkempt hair. “Ehe, just kidding. That’s payback for falling on me!” He got to his feet, then held that same hand to her. “Come on. We should head back.”

As she took her hand, she saw his smile, but remembered what she saw before. The sadness in his eyes, the desperation for her to look at him and know.

Since then, she had loved him even more and knew she never wanted to leave his side.

.

.

.

* * *

When Colette woke up, she instantly knew something was missing. Her neck felt cold.

Her body was restrained, her limbs tied down. This wasn’t right, not when she knew that just before, she had been holding Lloyd in her arms. She struggled, trying to wrench her arms away from whatever had tied her up. Was Lloyd okay? Was he hurt?

“Colette? Hey, she’s awake!” Quick footsteps, and the voice was familiar too. “Colette! Are you okay?”

In her haste, she had barely noticed the sky above her, barely realized that she was no longer within a looming tower that had no end in sight. She was still stuck! And the cold feeling around her neck wouldn’t let go. “Where’s…w-what is…” She struggled, her body so heavy. What was holding her back?

“What’s wrong? You shouldn’t kick around like that!” Hands reaching out to her, but she only pushed them away. Lloyd wasn’t here. Not him and not his…

“Genis, stand back,” spoke another voice, the tone even and calm, and through that particular inflection, Colette could identify that voice even with her mind so fraught with panic. “Give her room to breathe.”

She finally broke through whatever had been holding her back and sat up– blankets, multiple ones. All of them tucked safely and neatly around her like a cocoon. And once the brisk wind ruffled her hair, she finally turned seeing eyes to the people around her – to her friends.

Genis was standing off to the side, his face so plain in his worry. Sheena was far off in the distance, Colette only seeing the movements of her shadow on the ground as she busied herself with a task. Raine, who was nearer, knelt beside her. She saw scratches on her teacher’s face, bruises that still needed to heal after their fight in…in the tower. Though Colette felt her throat fill up with so many questions, she could only sit numbly as Raine placed a hand on her forehead. “No fever. But your pupils are dilated. Colette. Do you remember us?”

She shook her head to get rid of the dizziness, before realizing that maybe that would be seen as a bad thing, quickly changing it to a nod. “Y-yes! I know you… I’m sorry, Professor.” Still, her fingers gripped the blankets, her eyes looking all around. She felt the hard ground beneath her, saw trees bunched around them closely. They had made camp. But…they had been fighting the angel. They had been fighting, and Kratos had come down to take Lloyd away… Or, no. To save them? No…

The sky was dark but lit up with so many stars. In the distance she could see the Tower of Salvation, like a thread dividing up this world.

“Lloyd,” Colette said, his name finally taking shape when she could think more clearly. “Where’s Lloyd? Professor!” She turned to her teacher, hands already trying to find her weapons. “If they took him, we have to-”

“He’s here, Colette,” Raine said calmly. Eyes flicked to the staff she had placed on her knees, fingers tapping against the polished wood. “He’s here…in a sense, at least.”

Colette stared, wanting immediately to know where. But still, something missing, she couldn’t ignore it. One hand reached up towards her collar. Something missing, something gone. “My necklace,” she said. “Lloyd’s present. I lost it.” She remembered Lloyd’s empty eyes as she held him close. “I lost it.”

“No, you didn’t.” And that had come from Sheena, her voice carrying well with the wind. Colette raised her head to find her newest friend, standing tall and resolute. Her clothes were still singed from the angel’s attacks, but she had never looked braver than at that very moment. “It’s not lost, Colette.”

It was like the world was slowly revealing itself to Colette, for only then could she finally see Lloyd, standing farther off than anyone else. His back was turned, his face riveted in the direction of the tower that still stood so high, shooting straight off into the heavens.

His wings, which he had barely used except for his last night as a human, spread from his back like a tapestry of azure and white. The stars swam in their transparent curves, but their light never hurt the eyes, only pulsing through the night like the half-remembered tinges of a dream.

Silently, she left her makeshift bed, drawn in by his wings, so much that they engulfed everything else from her. If any of her friends had said anything to her in passing, she couldn’t hear. Even as her limbs still felt so much like dead weight, even as Sheena looked at her with such pity.

She saw her necklace, the chain ripped asunder, tightly grasped in Lloyd’s hand.

* * *

They would have to leave very soon, Sheena had told everyone earlier.

“Going to Tethe’alla will be tough, and there’s no guarantee you may ever come back to Sylvarant.” Sheena did not mince her words, her previous stutters and awkwardness seeming to have melted away at the introduction of a crisis. “Are you prepared to go?”

Even though Colette had already given her answer so many times, she knew the reason for Sheena’s questions. Her heart was fluttering inside her chest, now left to its own devices without the steadying surety she once had with his voice. She nodded, bit her lip, and hoped what she would say next would not be mistaken for doubt.

“Before we go, may I stay and talk with Lloyd?”

That same look from before, with Sheena on the edge of saying something before deciding against it. It was the same look from when a concerned teacher had come upon them both on the cliff. Despite the constant tense air between Sheena and Raine, they really were alike in a lot of ways. But Colette knew that Sheena would never take it for the compliment that it was.

“Okay,” Sheena said, relenting, that same hesitance. “Just be on your guard. We don’t know when they’ll be around.”

But the sky was empty of wings – except for Lloyd’s. She nodded once more to Sheena, giving her a smile. “I know. Thank you.”

Most had already started to prepare, ready to leave their world for one they had never heard of except in name. But Colette softly walked to Lloyd’s side. He remained standing in the same place that she had first seen him, in an open part of the glade where the trees thinned out and one could see the horizon.

She remembered a time when Lloyd had been nearly as quiet – before the loss of his voice, before so much would be taken away from him – his wings fanning out behind them. His smile had been small, and his fears had just begun to surface.

_“I guess this is just what it means to be an angel or something.”_

She no longer had her necklace to cling to. She felt so light and unsteady without it. But on that particular night, she had let go of her necklace to reach for his hand, gripping it tightly. It had been the only comfort she knew how to give.

She did so now, knowing he wouldn’t grip back – couldn’t. “It’s okay, Lloyd,” she said, her voice soft and heavy with unshed tears. Her hand wrapped around his curled fingers, feeling the chain of her broken necklace. “It’s okay.”

Lloyd didn’t respond. His eyes blankly stared ahead at the sky.

“I’m still going to keep my promise to you.” She moved closer to him, her head laying against his shoulder. Raine had warned her that Lloyd, in whatever angelic state he was in, might be unpredictable. But she knew he would never hurt her. “I still don’t want you to go.”

Even when he made no motion to hug her or kiss her, he didn’t move away. The only movement that anyone had seen out of Lloyd was him reaching for her broken necklace when it had fallen from her after the fight. Genis had said how fast Lloyd moved for it, as if nothing else in the world mattered at all. Everyone had been too wary to try and take it back from him.

Colette placed both hands over his. The necklace was so secure, she didn’t think she could ever convince him to let it go.

“I want to be worthy of wearing this again. And if…when I finally am… would you help put it on for me?” She smiled up at him. “It’s really the best present I’ve ever had.”

She hoped to hear a voice. Even when Lloyd lost his, she could still hear him. But that was when he used to remember her.

He didn’t speak, but she saw his head turn. Brown eyes as dark as the sky, tinged with a red that was like the last moments of a sunset, and his head framed by the fringes of his wings. She felt a shifting of his fingers, as minute as the slow movements of a flower’s petals. But it was there, even as he kept a firm clasp of the necklace.

Colette didn’t cry. She had done so much already the other night. She gently leaned more into him, her head now against his chest. “I’m sorry, Lloyd,” she said, so low that no living person could hear it.

In the night, Lloyd’s wings curled around her, tips brushing against her back. All while his eyes kept staring straight ahead, catching the reflection of the stars.


End file.
